FEBRUARY 25, 2025 BY ARCH KENNEDY
The desire to have children is a natural and beautiful part of life. Many people long to experience the joy of raising a child, guiding them with love, and building a family. However, in today’s culture, we must ask an important ethical and biblical question: Is it right for gay couples to use a surrogate mother to have a baby? While society may celebrate this practice, I believe it is inherently selfish. My goal is not to condemn, but to bring a compassionate yet truthful perspective, rooted in Scripture and the natural design of family.
God’s Design for Family: A Biblical Foundation
From the beginning, God established the family unit as the foundation of society. Genesis 1:27-28 (NIV) states, “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.’” This passage makes it clear that God’s design for procreation is between a man and a woman within the covenant of marriage.
Children are a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3), and they are meant to be raised by both a father and a mother who bring unique and complementary attributes to their upbringing. The male-female parental dynamic is not merely a social construct; it is an intentional part of God’s creation, designed to provide children with stability, identity, and nurturing from both a masculine and feminine perspective.
The Ethical Dilemma of Surrogacy for Gay Couples
Surrogacy is often framed as an act of love and selflessness, but in the case of gay couples, it fundamentally prioritizes adult desires over a child’s inherent rights. When a same-sex couple chooses surrogacy, they deliberately create a situation where a child is deprived of either a mother or a father from birth.
Unlike adoption, where a child has already experienced the loss of their biological parents and needs a loving home, surrogacy intentionally removes a child from one of their biological parents before they are even born. This goes against the natural order of family and disregards the well-being of the child in favor of fulfilling personal desires.
Additionally, surrogacy raises ethical concerns about the exploitation of women. A surrogate mother carries and nurtures a baby in her womb for nine months, only to hand the child over at birth. No matter how contractual or consensual the arrangement is, this process turns childbirth into a transaction, reducing both the mother and child to commodities.
The Difference Between Surrogacy and Adoption
Some may argue that if gay couples should not pursue surrogacy, they also should not adopt. However, there is a significant moral distinction between the two. Adoption exists to provide a home for a child who has already been born and is in need of a family. It is a solution to a problem—parental loss—rather than the deliberate creation of a fatherless or motherless child.
In cases of single parents raising children, whether by choice or due to circumstances beyond their control, the reality is different as well. Single parents may not provide both paternal and maternal influence, but they are fulfilling a parental role out of necessity, not as an intentional deprivation of the other parental figure.
Jesus Himself demonstrated love and care for orphans and those in need of family. James 1:27 (NIV) tells us, “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” Providing a home for a child in need is a noble act; intentionally creating a situation where a child is missing a biological parent is not.
The Consequences for the Child
Children thrive when they grow up in a home with both a mother and a father. Numerous studies show that children benefit emotionally, psychologically, and socially when raised in a stable, two-parent, opposite-sex household. The presence of both a mother and a father helps children develop a strong identity and understand the complementary roles that men and women play in life and relationships.
When children are intentionally placed in an environment where one parent is absent by design, they often struggle with identity issues, longing for the parental figure they were denied. It is one thing for life’s circumstances to create fatherless or motherless children; it is another thing entirely to do so by choice.
A Loving Yet Truthful Perspective
Our culture today prioritizes personal happiness above all else. However, as Christians, we are called to live according to God’s design rather than the shifting morals of society. This does not mean we should approach these topics with hatred or judgment, but rather with firm yet compassionate truth.
Jesus never shied away from speaking the truth, yet He always did so with love. Ephesians 4:15 (NIV) encourages us to “speak the truth in love,” ensuring that our message is both biblical and compassionate. We must uphold God’s design for family while also extending grace to those who may be living outside of it.
Conclusion
The use of surrogacy by gay couples is ultimately a self-centered decision that prioritizes adult desires over the well-being of the child. God designed family as a union between a man and a woman, and deliberately circumventing that design through surrogacy deprives children of the foundational security they were meant to have.
While it is important to acknowledge the struggles and desires of those who long for a family, we must not sacrifice biblical truth in the process. Adoption remains a beautiful and redemptive way to provide homes for children who are already in need, but the intentional creation of a motherless or fatherless child through surrogacy is an injustice that cannot be ignored.
As believers, we must stand firm in biblical truth while extending love to those who may disagree. Only through honoring God’s design for family can we truly build a society that values both children and the sanctity of life.
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