The same‑sex struggle is real—and rarely talked about in a way that’s both truthful and compassionate. For years, I lived in silence, even within Christian circles, because I didn’t feel like there was space for me to talk about what I was really going through. And the truth is—many churches still don’t know how to handle it.
There are places that offer truth without love, and others that offer love without truth. But what about those of us who are really trying to walk in obedience to Jesus… and still wrestling daily with same‑sex desires?
The same‑sex struggle is real, but your identity in Christ is greater—and His strength is enough to help you walk in obedience, even when desire feels overwhelming.
I want to share a few things I’ve learned, not because I’ve arrived, but because I know what it’s like to feel isolated and misunderstood.
I Thought I Was a Christian… Until the Word Changed Me
I grew up believing in God. I went to church. I considered myself a Christian for most of my life.
But looking back now, I realize something important: I didn’t actually become born again until I started studying God’s Word. Not just reading random verses here and there, but really digging into the Bible through serious, consistent study.
For me, that turning point came when I joined BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). It wasn’t a flashy emotional moment. There was no burning bush. But week after week, something happened: The Holy Spirit started convicting me of my sin. Not just general “bad behavior,” but specific areas of my life—especially my sexuality—that I had previously justified, ignored, or even clung to.
And slowly, painfully, beautifully, my identity began to shift.
My Identity Is No Longer My Sexuality
For years, I let my desires define me. Like so many others, I believed the lie that my sexuality was who I was.
But Scripture wouldn’t let me keep that lie. As I studied God’s Word, He made something crystal clear: My identity isn’t my struggle—it’s who I am in Christ.
That doesn’t mean I don’t still experience temptation. I do. But I no longer belong to it. I belong to Jesus.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Cor 5:17)
That verse didn’t just become a motivational quote—it became a lifeline. I am not my feelings. I am a child of God. And that identity is eternal, even when the temptations rage.
Sexual Temptation Was Fiercer When I Was Younger
I also want to be honest about something that often gets overlooked—sexual temptation can feel overwhelming when you’re young.
In my 20s, when my hormones were raging, it was harder than ever to imagine saying no to my desires. Sex felt like a need. Obedience to Christ felt distant, even impossible. I don’t think I could have done what I’m doing now back then.
That’s why I have so much compassion for younger Christians facing the same‑sex struggle today. It’s not that obedience is impossible—it’s just that the battle feels so much bigger when your body and culture are both screaming “yes” while God says “wait.”
If that’s you, please hear me: God sees your struggle. He’s not surprised by it. He’s not ashamed of you. And He will strengthen you to walk in holiness, even when your flesh feels stronger than your faith.
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to man. God is faithful…” (1 Cor 10:13)
(See GotQuestions for more on how God provides a way of escape in every battle.)
Why the Same-Sex Struggle Is Hard to Understand From the Outside
I’ve had some incredible Christian mentors over the years—faithful men of God who’ve encouraged me, prayed for me, and pointed me to truth.
But even the best of them, especially the straight ones, haven’t always been able to understand this particular battle. They’ve never walked through the kind of daily tension that comes with same‑sex desires. They can empathize, but they can’t fully relate.
That’s one reason I wrote {Homosexuality and Christianity} to dig into how Christian belief and same‑sex attraction intersect in ways many people don’t talk about.
https://archkennedy.com/homosexuality-and-christianity/
There simply aren’t enough voices saying, “Yes, I struggle too—but Christ is enough.” That’s why I’m beginning to veer my blogging into this lane—not as a detour from my mission, but as a deeper layer of it.
(Also see {The Christian Response to Gender Ideology} for how the Church can carry truth and compassion in identity debates.)
https://archkennedy.com/christian-response-gender-ideology/
Obedience Is Still the Call—Even When It’s Hard
Let me be clear: same‑sex desire is not a sin in itself, but acting on it is. That’s not popular. That’s not politically correct. But it is biblical.
“Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral … nor men who practice homosexuality … will inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Cor 6:9–10, ESV)
That truth doesn’t change based on what feels right. But neither does God’s grace.
If you’re in this struggle like I am, please know: you are not condemned if you are in Christ. But also know—He calls us to die to ourselves daily. To carry our cross. And to trust that His plan for sexuality is better than anything the world promises.
We Need More Truth—and More Compassion in the Church
The Church doesn’t talk about this enough. And when it does, it often gets it wrong in one of two ways:
– Some churches preach only judgment, without offering any path to healing.
– Others preach only acceptance, without calling anyone to repentance.
Both leave people stuck. What we need is truth spoken in love.
Pastors, mentors, and Christian communities need to be willing to say, “Yes, that’s sin—and yes, Jesus can free you from it.” Not instantly. Not easily. But fully.
If you’d like encouragement from others who have fought this fight, {Focus on the Family’s article “Christian Single Experiencing Same‑Sex Attraction Feels Stuck”} offers wisdom and care for people who feel trapped by their desires.
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/christian-single-experiencing-same-sex-attraction-feels-stuck/
To the One Still Wrestling
If you’re reading this and thinking, “That all sounds great, but I’m still stuck,”—I get it. I’ve been there. And some days, I’m still there.
Obedience doesn’t always come with ease. And healing doesn’t always feel linear. But there are wise, biblical resources to help you in the fight. {Desiring God’s article on fighting same‑sex desires} offers clear, compassionate teaching rooted in Scripture.
https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/how-do-i-fight-same-sex-desires
If I could sit across from you and say one thing, it would be this:
God is not finished with you. Your struggle doesn’t disqualify you. And your desires don’t define you.
Jesus is better. He really is. And when you cling to Him—day by day—you’ll find that His Spirit gives strength where your flesh once ruled.
You don’t have to walk this road alone.
Arch Kennedy
Bold, Unfiltered, and Unafraid
Homosexuality and Christianity: Refuting Progressive Lies
Amazing. God is working through you. I would only add that the sexuality struggle is real for all. Not in the same way as same sex attraction, but in the sense of sex outside marriage (between a man and woman), lust, and defiling the marriage covenant by committing adultery. Desires are desires. Even those not sexual in nature. Gluttony, materialism, substance abuse, etc., all involve fighting a worldly desire and temptation. I’m so proud of you for sharing your story and helping others see the truth. God loves you and your willingness to surrender to his purpose for your life is inspirational. Sharing such a personal testimony is courageous. The Lord is with you.