Obedience Is Heavy with Same Sex Attraction

I have learned that obedience to Christ is not abstract when you live with same sex attraction. It is not a slogan or a theological position. It is daily surrender. And it carries real weight.

Simply put:
Same sex attraction and obedience means choosing Christ over desire, even when that obedience reshapes your expectations for your life.

Jesus said to deny yourself and take up your cross daily. I believe that. But believing it and living it are not the same thing.

Why Same Sex Attraction and Obedience Is Costly

Obedience in this area touches identity, intimacy, and belonging. It is not just about behavior. It reaches into desire itself. When I accepted what Scripture teaches about sexual holiness, I was not simply adjusting a habit. I was surrendering a version of my future.

That surrender felt like loss.

There were years when I believed in God but carried resentment toward Him. I knew what the Bible said. I knew what obedience required. And I knew it meant giving up something I deeply wanted. I did not walk away from faith, but I wrestled with God.

The weight was not imaginary. It was not dramatic. It was the sober realization that following Christ would cost me something personal.

I used to assume that if I obeyed long enough, the struggle would disappear. When it did not, frustration grew. I questioned why God would allow persistent attraction and then command restraint. I was not doubting His existence. I was questioning His plan for me.

That is where honesty matters.

The cross is not a metaphor for comfort. It represents death to self rule. When obedience confronts desire, it exposes what you truly worship. It reveals whether Christ is Lord only in word or also in practice.

That exposure was painful for me.

The Resentment I Had to Confront

Resentment does not always look dramatic. Sometimes it is quiet. Sometimes it sounds like comparison. I watched other Christians marry and build families. I felt the narrowing of my own path.

I had to admit that I was not only grieving. I was accusing God in my heart. I believed He had asked more of me than others.

Scripture corrected me.

Every believer carries a cross. Mine involves sexuality. Someone else’s involves illness, betrayal, infertility, or singleness for different reasons. The form differs. The call to deny self does not.

When I finally accepted that obedience was not punishment but discipleship, something shifted. Hebrews teaches that discipline feels painful in the moment but later yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. I began to see that the weight itself was shaping me.

God was not taking something from me to diminish me. He was forming me.

If you struggle to discern the difference between conviction and condemnation in this journey, I wrote more about that in Same-Sex Attraction and Condemnation.

What the Weight Is Producing in Me

The heaviness has not disappeared. I will not pretend otherwise. But it no longer feels like condemnation. It feels purposeful.

When I choose Christ over desire, I am not only losing something. I am becoming someone. I am becoming more anchored in truth. More dependent on grace. Less ruled by emotion. More steady.

Obedience has forced me to ask a deeper question. Is Christ worthy only if He gives me what I want, or is He worthy because He is Lord?

That question changed everything.

Peace did not come from minimizing the cost. Peace came from recognizing that Christ is greater than the cost. The world insists that fulfillment is found in expression. Scripture teaches that life is found in surrender.

For Christians living with same sex attraction, the conversation about obedience must be grounded in reality. It is heavy. It costs something real. But it is not cruel. God is not indifferent to the struggle. He calls us to faithfulness because He is shaping us for something eternal.

Obedience is heavy with same sex attraction. I will not soften that truth. But I am learning that Christ’s presence in that obedience is stronger than the weight itself. The cross remains heavy, but it is no longer bitter. It has become formative.

And that formation is producing peace I did not have before.

Arch Kennedy
Bold, Unfiltered, and Unafraid