Most Christians mean well when they talk about same sex attraction, but many still misunderstand what this struggle feels like from the inside. Some have seen my testimony through interviews, such as my CBN interview about finding freedom from same sex attraction, and they walk away thinking the temptation has disappeared. They assume the struggle ends when someone comes to Jesus. But that has never been my reality, and it is not the reality for so many believers who wake up every day and choose Christ in the middle of deep internal conflict.
I also want to make one thing clear. I have never claimed to be free of attraction to men. Not once. What I have said is that I no longer identify as gay. My identity is in Christ, not my temptation. A recent private message from a fellow believer who also wrestles with same sex attraction made me reflect on how easily testimony can be misunderstood. Even though his message contained assumptions that were not accurate, it reminded me that I need to be clearer about what I mean when I talk about obedience, surrender, and trusting God above my desires.
Christians need to understand that same sex attraction does not disappear when someone comes to Christ, but obedience becomes possible in the middle of ongoing struggle.
The Daily Battle Many Christians Never See
For believers like me, this is not theory. This is daily reality. It is not as simple as flipping a switch or praying one prayer. This is a very real, very personal struggle that lives inside the body and the emotions. It is a quiet battle that no one sees, and one that many straight Christians have never had to understand.
Recently, I received a heartfelt message from a man who follows my content. He shared that he is currently dating someone but feels torn, because he truly wants to walk with God. He feels the pull toward Christ on one side and the pull of same sex attraction on the other. His honesty reminded me why I share my journey in the first place. There are so many Christians who feel that tug of war every single day. They want holiness, but the temptation remains. They love Jesus, but their flesh still pulls in the opposite direction.
And they often feel completely alone.
Why This Struggle Runs Deep
One of the hardest parts of same sex attraction is not just the temptation itself. It is the grief that surrounds it. When I see a man I find attractive, the temptation is real, but beneath it sits a deep ache. It is sadness that obedience costs me something. It is sadness because intimacy, connection, and physical closeness are things other Christians can enjoy within God’s design, while that door remains closed to me. This sadness is not rebellion. It is grief. And God meets me in that grief with compassion, not condemnation.
Some Christians assume that if someone with this struggle ever feels anger, disappointment, or emotional tension, it must mean they are angry at God or resisting His standards. That has not been true for me. My frustration is not toward God. It is toward the weight of the sacrifice itself. Holiness is beautiful, but it is not painless. My anger has nothing to do with rejecting God’s commands and everything to do with feeling the emotional cost of obedience.
Many believers also do not realize that same sex attraction is not always rooted in simple physical desire. For some of us, there are emotional layers that sit underneath the temptation. Longing, loneliness, connection, affirmation, or the desire to feel chosen can all be part of the internal pull. This does not mean someone had a broken family or lacked love growing up. Many people with same sex attraction had wonderful parents. Temptation is not that simple. Human longing is complex, and for many believers, the emotional layers make the struggle feel deeper than just saying no to a fleeting impulse.
If you want a clear explanation of how Christians can think biblically about temptation, desire, and obedience, this solid overview on same sex attraction and Scripture gives a helpful foundation.
Carrying Christ’s Cross Through a Personal Battle
Even with all these layers, obedience is still possible. That is where Christ meets me. Holiness is not the absence of temptation. Holiness is the presence of surrender. I am not free from attraction. I am free from being ruled by it. Christ did not remove the desire. Christ changed the direction of my heart.
My victory is not that I no longer feel a pull toward men. My victory is that Jesus gives me strength to choose Him when that pull feels strongest. This is the part many believers do not understand. For people like me, obedience is not a single moment of conversion. It is a daily rhythm of denying the flesh, taking up the cross, and trusting that Christ is better. When Jesus says to take up your cross daily, I feel that deeply. This is the cross I carry. A cross of longing. A cross of surrender. A cross of obedience that costs something.
For more on how I’ve wrestled with God’s design in this area, you can read Same Sex Attraction: God’s Design Isn’t Cruel.
When Failure Comes, Christ Remains
I want to say something important for those with this struggle. Failure does not define you. Failure does not destroy your desire to please God. Failure does not remove you from His grace. This is a real battle. Sometimes you may fall. I am not going to share personal details, but I want to be very clear. Jesus does not abandon people who stumble. He draws near to those who repent, rise, and continue the fight. The enemy wants you to believe failure should bring you shame and distance. Jesus wants you to know failure is the moment to run toward Him, not away from Him.
A Word to Believers With the Same Struggle
If you are dealing with the same pull I am, hear me clearly. You are not defective. You are not unloved. You are not broken beyond repair. Your attraction does not define your identity. Your temptation does not determine your worth. Your longing does not make you any less Christian. Your obedience, even when it is painful, is a powerful act of worship that God sees and honors. You are not walking this path alone.
A Word to Christians Who Have Never Experienced This Struggle
For believers who do not know what this feels like, I ask for your compassion. Many Christians assume the battle ends once someone becomes a follower of Jesus, but that is not how sanctification works. People like me live in a daily tension. We are not choosing an easier life. We are choosing a surrendered life. We do not need assumptions or quick answers. We need understanding. We need patience. We need a church that sees the reality of our battle and walks with us.
If you want a deeper pastoral understanding of this topic, this may help: What Christians Often Miss About the Same Sex Struggle.
Why I Share My Story
This is my testimony. Not a story of disappearing desires, but a story of surrendered desires. Not a story of perfection, but a story of persistence. Not a story of miraculous change in attraction, but a story of miraculous change in allegiance. Christ is my victory, not because the temptation left, but because He gives me the strength to choose Him right in the middle of it.
And that is what Christians need to understand. We do not follow Jesus because He removes every desire. We follow Jesus because He is worthy, even when our desires remain.
Arch Kennedy
Bold, Unfiltered, and Unafraid
Watch my full commentary below:
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Wonderful Testimony! From CoreOfTheHeart.com. “Temptation itself is not a sin—everybody gets tempted, even Jesus was tempted in the wilderness! The real issue is what you do with that temptation. The moment you start agreeing with it, entertaining it, letting it take root in your heart, that’s when it crosses the line. It’s not the thought popping into your head that’s the problem; it’s when you start trusting those thoughts, giving them space, and letting them grow. That’s when sin is conceived in the heart, even before any outward action happens.
James 1:14-15 lays it out: “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.” So, temptation becomes a sin of the heart when you stop resisting and start agreeing with it—when you let your desires override God’s word and start making room for those thoughts. That’s the danger zone!”!!!