OCTOBER 4, 2021 BY ARCH KENNEDY
I want to start off by saying, what I am about to tell you is not out of vengeance. But I do feel that people need to hear my story and I also hope that my words will help someone else who has suffered the same pain as I have. For the first time in my life, I was rejected from joining a church because I am gay. The particular church is The Church of The Apostles in Atlanta, Georgia.
Two months ago I attended their “First Look” class which is for those wanting to become members. After that, I scheduled my interview with one of the pastors on the next step to becoming a member. I was so excited because, after years of going to church here and there, I never wanted to be a part of a church community more than The Church of The Apostles. At this time in my life, I have a deep need for fellowship with other Christians. I have never felt like I belong anywhere. I don’t fit into the gay world because I am a conservative. I don’t fit into the straight world because I don’t have a wife and kids. Becoming a member of this church would have really helped my self-esteem and made me feel part of a loving community. I have never needed it more than now.
I was doing men’s Bible study and the associate pastors were urging me to do a 26-week ministry called “Living Waters” which states:
The discipleship and prayer ministry of Living Waters addresses the roots of relational and sexual issues that ensnare Christians into unhealthy living. Living Waters is about finding a way to admitting brokenness, and finally accepting the only way to wholeness is by discovering what the healing power of a relationship with Jesus really means.
It sounded like a wonderful thing for me. I thought it would help me grow in my relationship with Christ and help me at least understand why I was gay. In hindsight, I now know that they wanted to “convert” me before granting me membership. Here’s the thing. I have prayed for years not to be gay. I have spent many a day praying to God for me to be attracted to women. I still do this today! But, I could never promise a church that I will have an attraction to the opposite sex one day. All I know is that if you put a pretty woman and man in front of me, I will be attracted to the man. So because I say that I don’t know if I could ever have opposite-sex attraction mean I don’t have faith? I read Scripture daily in hopes of the answer someday. Until then, I have to be honest about who I am and that should not deny me the chance to follow Christ with fellow believers.
I find Michael Youssef’s sermons profound and I love the fact that he does not “sugarcoat” the Scripture just to make people feel good. Dr. Youssef tells it like it is and he is not afraid to lose members for preaching God’s truth. I really admire that. So many churches today in an effort to keep and grow members have become “social justice” churches and don’t put Christ first and ignore what God is teaching us in Scripture. To me, that is very dangerous as we need to hear the Word even if it makes us uncomfortable. This allows us to repent and strive to be like Jesus. Sometimes the truth hurts but I believe we must hear it for spiritual growth.
Those who know me, know of my struggle with my faith and my sexuality. One thing I have said time and again, is that I will NEVER try to change the word of God just to suit my needs. I was honest about this struggle with the pastors at The Church of The Apostles. I could have possibly understood their not accepting me if I had told them that it is perfectly fine to be gay and that God has no problem with it. But, I never said that. I was just honest with my struggle. That being said, I believe that this church should reread Luke 15:1-7:
15 Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. 2 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”
3 Then Jesus told them this parable: 4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
Now I ask you if Jesus can do this, should not the church? I think the answer is a resounding YES! Churches should never reject a person who wants to follow Jesus Christ. Never. Maybe the pastors at The Church of The Apostles forgot this verse. Or maybe, just maybe they are imperfect sinners just like me.
It is difficult. I commend you for trying. I am in the same situation. They accept an alcoholic who no longer drinks. But they will never accept a homosexual, even if he no longer acts on those feelings. Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. – I want the fellowship-but it is ok-I with The Help of Jesus I can do this On my Own. It is a narrow road-Pigeons flock together in the gutter – Eagles soar alone to great heights.
Well said, thank you
God loves us all. We all have flaws. Jesus sought out the lowest of society because He loves us.
Haven’t met anyone yet that was perfect.
We must live the best life we can, trying to emulate Christ. Only God will judge us, therefore there is hope for all of us because he is a forgiving Father. It is not man’s place to judge.
I don’t think people choose to be gay, it just is. People need love, kindness and peace. Not judgement.
You have always had a kind and gentle demeanor with a good heart. God sees that as well as I do.
I admit I don’t know all the answers. Only God has them.
Arch, thank you for your message, and your heart for Christ, for your transparency with your church leadership.. I understand the issue well. While I have respected Dr. Youssef & his teaching for many years, I believe the church he pastors responded incorrectly. For over five years now, I have worshipped and served in a spirit filled church with pastors & staff who commit in love to walk with hundreds of same sex attracted attenders while teaching a biblical sexual ethic. We are a church of over 30,000 people in different campus locations in SE Florida. It’s not the Bible belt, yet God is doing powerful work through His ssa followers, drawing so many people to Himself. I post our service weekly, praying it will spread the love & message of Christ with hope to others. .
I want to encourage you, knowing God will lead you to the right church to serve. I don’t know Atlanta churches well; wish I could recommend. I’m confident He will guide you to your next church family, one that you don’t have to apologize for yourself! ✝️=❤️
This is similar to many of our stories. Churches have become either centers of social justice or country country clubs. Only to both subvert the Gospel of Christ.
People are looking for G/d the Father. It has come to the point people will fall for any charlatan or stop looking all together. That is sad!
Great piece of writing you did there Arch, and speaking your truth. I’m very proud to have you as a friend.
It’s sad that we’re having to bear witness to this decay we’re seeing in the churches and in society as a whole. I remember a few years ago driving down Almon Rd near Covington, Georgia, and a church roadside sign with the message that read, “God put us on this Earth to be witnesses and not sinners”. A message I’m sure you and other friends would agree speaks truth. Reason we’re not supposed to be judging others, especially people we don’t know on a deep personal level, is due primarily to the fact that we don’t know other people’s hearts and souls. Even though we were created in God’s likeness, at the same time, he blessed all of us with the gift of free-will. Even though it may not always be easy… I’m the kind of person that manages to the best of my ability to seek out and find good in others.
You’re good people Arch. Im also proud to also have other friends like Dave, Ray, Dustin, Jim, and Peter from The FreeThink Institute. And proud other friends I met from discovering Podbean podcast platform, including James Mitchell, Jeremy Cummings, Mike Reichard, Jim Maerk, Dena Jo Ramirez, Jon DiVito, Lara Bounds, Crax Van Gogh, and a few others.
God bless you all.
Correction: I meant to say judges, not sinners.
I do apologize for that mistake.
You should have done a little more research. The Pastor and the Church have been vocal about their stance on homosexuality. Dr. Youssef was clear that he voted for Trump for two reasons: “But to me (electing someone who is) pro-life and a supporter of traditional marriage are too important to not go to the booth and vote.” I understand it is unlikely that you would go to a predominantly gay church because they don’t share your political views. However, you have provided one more example that the churches where you will find those who support your political views do not support homosexuals.
It has nothing to do with my doing research. I love how Dr. Youssef preaches and still do. I was not aware that I would not be accepted for membership until I developed a relationship with some of the associate pastors there and went to the class to become a member. Also, just having a stance on homosexuality would not necessarily tell me if I would be accepted into membership or not. I had to find that out.
All I was saying is if you had done the research you would not have been surprised by the response you received. It is very clear his views on homosexuality. Youssef has made a number of public statements on his views of homosexuals in the Church and how he blames other churches for mainstreaming and accepting “the homosexual lifestyle” into their churches. If you went into it thinking that the associate pastors were going to have a different view and be more accepting than the leader of the Church, hopefully you learned a valuable, if not, painful lesson.
No. I would not have known that they actually would decline a fellow believer in Christ to their church. And yes it is VERY painful because I love God and I am a Christ follower and I need a place of community with other believers. I certainly don’t want any part of a “social justice” church that sugarcoats God’s word just to attain and pacify members and their feelings and does not put Christ first. I am sure I will find a church that actually follows God’s word, accepts everyone as Christ did but also does not try to change Scripture just to make people feel good. Sometimes truth is hard.
Yes, Truth is hard (so is reality). You want a Church that follows scripture, all its members and clergy accept you as a homosexual and shares your political views (meaning one that does not want any part of “social justice” as you refer to it). If you find that, be sure to post about it because it will truly be a unicorn (especially in the South).
Truth IS reality. And I never said that even I accept homosexuality. I pray every day asking God why I am attracted to the same sex. I also pray that I can be attracted to women. And don’t throw “unicorn” insults at me. We are done sir. I don’t play that when insults are thrown my way. Take care.
Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things pass away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
He who has God
Finds he lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.
– Saint Teresa of Jesus
My heart goes out to you. I am sure I dont have answers for you. You can explore the why on your own. I am not sure it is any of my business how anyone has sex. I do know I am supposed to admonish and be admonished in truth and love. Sex outside of marriage is fornication. Gay or straight. I hate to see the sins of one used by another as a rung on a ladder to climb above another.. I agree with the Bible 100%. I feel led to bring to mind that Naaman had to wash in the river 7 times. 2 kings 5 and joshua had to march around Jericho 7 times. Jesus said forgive 70 x 7. I have no idea why i feel led to give ylu those numbers. Dont pray to not be gay or be attracted to women. Pray that God show you what is the thing preventing those things. God bless.
Thank you for your kind words. I will never try to change scripture to suit my needs. Christ is first. God bless.
Most of the time rejecting what is considered to be the sins of another is actually trying to escape their own. It is much easier to put a spotlight and microscope on others instead of a mirror on ourselves. I find myself agreeing with many of your posts in a group. I think I would like you. I understand about not fitting in. I was married 42 years when my husband passed. Now I am neither married or single but widowed. And while it is nice to find others who understand, I dont want to always be around people as down as me. I want to be around people with lives though I am simultaneously jealous of their lives. I applaud your honesty. I have been in groups with women who shared that their husband lived a lie with them and witnessed their pain. I think you sre on the right track. Honest internall reflection is priceless. We were all born simners. The sin matters not. The confession of it is paramount. I would suggest identifying as a sinner saved by grace rather than gay. Realizing where you are is necessary but none of us is just one thing or identity. At least give the other things you are a little room. You can probably find the answers you seek in someone who has been through it and see a good outcome. People without the experience are going to be littlle help. I will be checking back to see how you are progressing.
Part of the reason I gave up on organized religion decades ago. My feeling/understanding is that the church is there to promote the word of God, to support that and to accept whomever wants to follow. Isn’t that the work God has given them to do? Instead they judge anyone that tries to join their “church” instead of taking in the seekers and trying to help them understand the word, accept or not and deal with their relationship with the Lord when their time comes. He is the only judge, not the Minister, Priest, Rabbi. They have put themselves above God.
I’ve known you Arch, for a while to honestly say that you’re truly a man of your word!! You follow your heart & I definitely believe that you’re more than welcome to attend any church that preaches the gospel of God. Shame on the people in the church that proclaim to behave in a certain way.
My nephew, Sean was gay and I have never questioned his sexuality identity because, personally it’s none of my business. I honestly loved him & he’s in heaven seated at the right hand of God!!
Arch, you’ll always be my awesome, amazing, loving & beautiful man I love very much!! Never change who you are, ever!!!
❤️❤️❤️
Your pursuit of community seems to be sabotaged by the one word you used – Convert.
What does it mean to you? What does it mean to them?
Your headline is “What would Jesus do?” What did Jesus do? If you were to live in his day and he asked you to be one of his 12 disciple what would he be asking you to do?
Good point! What matters is what He DID.
Dear sweet Arch, I just love you! I was looking for your website and saw this post of yours and read it. Your honesty is so refreshing. We have all sinned. Thank God / Jesus for forgiveness. I just wanted to tell you I love this post and I love you my friend. I am signing up for this website of yours so we do not lose track of each other. AND, we may be in ATL in July …. would LOVE to see you and Leon. Tell him hello for us ! BIG HUGS !! Marcy