Same-Sex Attraction and the Cost of Obedience

I’ve come to see something clearly in my walk with Christ that I don’t think many people fully understand. Following Jesus requires obedience from all of us, but the cost of that obedience can look very different depending on the person.

At the core, same-sex attraction and obedience to Christ means choosing celibacy, even when the desire for intimacy does not go away.

What Obedience Looks Like for Me

That’s the reality I live in. For many Christians, obedience includes the possibility of marriage. They can pursue love, companionship, and intimacy within God’s design and still walk faithfully with Him. That is not compromise. That is good. That is how God created it to be.

But for someone like me, that path is not an option. If I am going to follow Christ in truth, obedience means laying down romantic and sexual intimacy altogether. Not temporarily. Not until something changes. But as a way of life. That is not a small sacrifice.

The Disconnect in the Church

And I think this is where the disconnect often happens inside the Church. Many people assume that the goal is for the desires themselves to change. They say things like, “God can take that away,” and while God absolutely has the power to do anything, Scripture never promises that He will remove every struggle we carry in this life.

I know that from experience, and I’ve written more about understanding the weight of obedience in another post. I have prayed for that change. I have asked sincerely and consistently. I wanted that part of my life to be different. But it never changed. Not even close.

When Obedience Becomes Real

So I had to come to a decision that every believer eventually faces in one form or another. Would I follow Christ only if He reshaped my desires the way I wanted, or would I follow Him because He is Lord?

That is where obedience becomes real. The Bible does not present obedience as something that waits for our feelings to align. It calls us to submit to God as He is, not as we wish Him to be. Jesus said to deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Him. He did not say that cross would look the same for everyone, but He did make it clear that it would be real. For me, this is part of mine.

The Cost Is Real

And I want to be clear about something. I am not saying this to complain or to position myself as a victim. I am saying it because it is true, and because truth matters. There is a difference between knowing what is right and actually living it out.

When you live this out, you feel the weight of it. You feel what you are choosing to lay down. You feel the absence of something that most people assume will one day be part of their life. That is the cost.

Why It Is Still Worth It

But the cost is not the whole story, because obedience is not just about what you lose. It is about Who you are following. There is a quiet strength that comes from choosing Christ over something you genuinely want.

There is a depth of dependence on Him that you do not discover any other way. There is a closeness that is not built on circumstances being easy, but on Him being enough. That does not erase the difficulty. It does not remove the reality of what is being surrendered. But it changes how you carry it.

What the Church Needs to Understand

And this is where I hope the Church begins to understand more clearly. Not to change the truth. Not to lower the standard. But to recognize that for some believers, obedience is not theoretical. It is daily. It is costly. It is lived out in ways that are not always visible from the outside.

What we need is not a softer gospel. We need a more supportive body. We need people who are willing to walk alongside those who are carrying this kind of weight, not with assumptions, but with understanding. Not with quick answers, but with presence.

Final Truth

Because the call to follow Christ is the same for all of us, but the experience of that calling can feel very different depending on what we are asked to lay down. And yet, even with all of that, my conclusion has not changed. Jesus is still worth it. He is worth every desire I lay down. He is worth every moment where obedience feels costly. He is worth trusting even when nothing changes the way I hoped it would. This is the life I have been called to, and I am choosing to live it.

Arch Kennedy
Bold, Unfiltered, and Unafraid